


The Letters You Wrote

by Lifeinshambles



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Heartache, Love Letters, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Surprise Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-03 16:43:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17881460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lifeinshambles/pseuds/Lifeinshambles
Summary: Agony.If Eren could describe how he felt in one word it would be agony. Never in his life has he felt so terribly alone, so defeated and his chest ached.Going through Levi's old things, clearing out his deceased Captains quarters; Eren discovers something that will change him forever.





	1. Letters he Found

It took Eren exactly three days to muster up the courage to enter Levi's old room and it took exactly thee more days before he started cleaning up his things. Throwing away paperwork that was no longer needed and folding clothes that were never going to be worn again, Eren wasn't sure if he would be able to do this on his own. 

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Worried blue eyes watched as Eren disappeared into Levi's old room, looking up at Mikasa who seemed to look just as concerned as he was. There was no denying the fact that the Captain's death had taken it's toll on the Survey Corps, especially on Eren.

"Eren lost his mentor, the person that he looked up to the most. The person he..." Mikasa stopped herself and let out a sigh. "He will get better with time. All we can do right now is be there for him and let him grieve." It wasn't like it was going to be easy for Eren. Whether he ever told them or not it was obviously that Eren cared about Levi in ways that surpassed those of admiration.

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[Eren's POV]

He just wanted the pain to go away. The cold, empty ache he felt in his chest. It was like he was being held underwater, drowning yet still being able to breathe. He wanted the guilt, the regret...all of it to go away. All of the things he wished he could have said as if it would have lead them down a different path.

Here in Levi's room, Eren could close his eyes and smell the soap that Levi used to use, the smell of mint and lavender filling his nose. And if he tired really hard he could pretend that Levi was on another expedition and he was to come back any day now. But then Eren would open his eyes and he'd come back to reality. The dust in the crack of the window, the neatly folded clothes in a box ready to be sent back to headquarters. It would all come crashing down on him ans Eren wished; prayed that the Earth would come take him, burying him far beneath the soil.

Standing at the foot of the bed, Eren knelt down to make sure there wasn't anything else to throw away; socks that could have fallen under the bed or paperwork that slipped between the cracks. Instead he noticed a box a foot or so tucked under the Captains bed. Curious, Eren reached forward and grabbed the box, his fingers pulling it out from under the bed. The box wasn't covered in as much dust as one would have thought, which probably meant that it was routinely taken out to be used or clean; could have been both.

Eren more curious now, knowing that no one was going to stop him. Eren carefully opened the box and was perplexed to see dozens of dated letters going back to when Eren first joined the Survey Corps. Part of him knew that it was wrong to want to open the letters, looking through the Captains things in disrespect. But.. he also knew that the Captain wasn't here anymore and reading these letters would be the closest that he could get to him now. 

Searching for the oldest dated letter, Eren took it carefully in his hands before sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the bed.


	2. Letter #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FYI, the times are in military time. So for example, 0800 is 8am and 2400 is midnight

January 2nd,

0600

The new recruits just got to camp and I'm not surprised to say that most of them are idiots. Well, they're idiots for joining the Survey Corps to begin with. Everyone knew that joining us meant that you would never come home. 

Most of them bicker or complain, some of them even do both. I'm curious to see how many are left just after our first expedition.

But Erwin has hopes for them, particularly three kids who supposedly witnessed the fall of wall Maria, and the fact that they survived says they at least have guts.

I'm headed to greet everyone now, hopes are that some of them actually have the talent to survive for more than a week.

-Levi Ackerman

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Eren remembered that day clearly. Armin would have called him a fanboy for the way that his eyes lit up when he saw Levi. His heart pounding in his chest and his body restless as he tried to get a better view of the Captain. For the first time since he was a kid he had the possibility to be working alongside the person that he had admired and looked up to for years.

A sad smile fell to his face as he closed the letter and pulled out the next one, this one dated the day everyone found out about his powers, the day Levi took charge of him. He remembered being terrified, scared that he could hurt the people that he cared about and swore he would protect at all costs. He remembers the looks that he got from the people around him, scared that he would turn on them and destroy humanity from the inside out.

But then Levi, in his own way proved to the court and everyone else that Eren wouldn't be a threat if Levi was the one taking care of him. The Captain proved it to everyone fairly quickly who was in charge, who held the power in the relationship between master and servant; how Eren would be obedient and if he wasn't Levi would get rid of him.

He sighed and opened the letter, looking down to read.


	3. Letter #2

03/16

0700

I don't regret what I had to do because it was the only way we could make sure the kid was safe and in our possession.

His names Eren, He's a bratty kid who has a terrible temper and eyes that are filled with anger. He's a kid whose scared of himself right now because he doesn't understand what's happening to him. It makes sense and in the eyes of everyone else except for Erwin, Hange and I, he's incredibly dangerous.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why I agreed to watch over him. Aside from the fact I'm probably the only one who could stop him if things got out of control; I also know what it's like to be absolutely terrified of yourself. Terrified of what you could be capable of, and if you lost control would you ever gain that control back?

Erwin told me I should have gone easier on the kid, Hell I did knock out one of his teeth. But I had to sell it to the court or they wouldn't believe that Eren would be safest in our care. Plus, from what Hange stated the tooth actually grew back. But, nonetheless Erwin lectured me on how Eren was still just a kid and could feel pain even if parts of him grew back.

Maybe part of him was right but the way the kid looked at me, it was as if he understood why this was happening and maybe he isn't such an idiot after all.

Eren Jaeger; Humanity's last hope.

-Levi Ackerman

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Eren closed the letter and places it to the side of him as he took in a deep breath as he collected his thoughts. So Levi understood, he...empathized. Was that why he always seemed to be so stern yet caring even if he didn't let many people see it?

Another smile graced his lips as he reached for the next letter. This one was dated for the day of Annie's betrayal. Of course they didn't know that it was Annie who was inside of the female titan. But still, that day was filled with dread and even thinking about what happened made Eren drown in guilt. It was the day that Levi lost everyone in his squad but Eren. Even to this day Eren regretted his actions. If only he fought harder, intervened sooner.. maybe some or all of them would still be alive. Eren thought that Levi hated him for it, but even back then Levi never treated him any different.

But still Eren couldn't help but feel at fault for Levi losing the people he cared so deeply about. He saw in on his Captain's face. The face of a man whose lost too much and was afraid to show any sign of weakness. 

Eren chewed on his bottom lip as he looked down at the letter, scared of what he was going to see. He hesitated before breaking open the seal and unfolding the letter.


	4. Letter #3

06/02

2000

He thinks that it's his fault.That the deaths of my squad rest on his shoulders. I could see it in his eyes; the pain and regret that hide behind those green eyes. I'm all too familiar with the feeling and I wish that I knew a way to make it go away.

I miss them of course, that much is clear and I will continue to miss them for the rest of my life. They were like my family whether I wanted to admit it or not; I trusted them and they trusted me. But now their dead and it doesn't really matter.

Eren continues to beat himself over it. He refuses to look me in the eyes as if there's spire behind mine. There isn't. It's the risk of our job, we all knew that signing up for the Survey Corps. Our mission had been to protect Eren and in my belief they laid down their lives doing just that. 

Sometimes I go down to the basement, usually when I have nightmares of my own. I go down there to check on him;to make sure that he's at least getting some sleep.

I can hear him cry sometimes, his mother's name filling the air as he cried in his sleep. You can hear the pain and the guilt and apart of me wants to comfort him and tell him that I'm not mad/ I don't blame him, no one does.

Sometimes I doze of listening to him sleeping, other times I head back up to my room as soon as I make sure he's doing okay. Erwin told me not to get too attached to the kid but I don't understand what he means. I can just relate; I know what it feels like to beat yourself up over something you couldn't change. The kid doesn't deserve that though, he's bright. He deserves to guilt free, at least for now.

He's humanities last hop, he wasn't go breaking over something like this.

-Levi Ackerman

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Eren felt something life from his chest. Was it the guilt he had carried all this time? Was reading this letter; seeing how Levi never blamed him.. could it be that he felt some sort of relief? It still pained him, knowing that they all lost people important and dear to them. But maybe; just maybe Eren could start healing from it.. stop blaming himself because Levi didn't think in anyway that it was his fault.

The next letter didn't have a significant date, or at least Eren couldn't recognize it. He opened the latter as he crossed his legs, getting comfortable because he knew he was going to be here awhile.


	5. Letter #4

07/12

0900

I think Erwin was right and I hate the even entertaining the thought that he was.

I'm getting too close; too attached and it's not going to end well for anyone. I'm starting to notice it..my actions too cautious, my working more caring. He's a liability and I need to start keeping my distance.

I'm getting too old to care, too old to worry about some brat. Maybe it's because I see my old self in him. the carelessness and the anger. The fiery passion that makes you almost resilient to anything.

He's going to burn himself out if he doesn't stop and take care of himself. He's too important to the mission and to Erwin's plans; hell he wasn't called humanity's last hope for nothing. The kid has spunk, he didn't bite back his thoughts and he did what he thought was right without looking back.

For now I'll withdrawal myself. Hange will take over for a few weeks while I go with Erwin on a mission. I'm sure Eren will be pissed but Hange and him get along fairly well and he can't become too dependent on me; I'm not his dad.

-Levi Ackerman

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So that's why Levi had suddenly pushed him away? Why he had avoided him and made him feel like he had done something wrong? Of course the whole time Hange reassure him Levi wasn't mad or upset; that it wasn't Eren's fault.. yet he still found himself beating himself up over it...still told himself that he could never live up to Levi's expectations.

Maybe Levi was right; maybe Eren was just an idiot kid who couldn't understand..couldn't learn fast enough and couldn't live up to the expectations that everyone else had for him. Part of him was angry with the fact that Levi brought this up with him, never talked about how he felt.. yet if Levi would have done any of that it wouldn't be like him at all.

Eren grumbled to himself as he tossed the letter to the side and picked up the next one, seeing another unrecognizable date.


	6. Letter #5

08/17

0630

It's not working. Erwin and I came back from the expedition a few days early and right way I'm being bombarded by Hange; she seemed overly curious about the dynamics between Eren and I. She stated hat the brat's been in a sour mood since I left and wouldn't stop assuming that I was getting tired of him and he wasn't a good enough soldier.

I almost laughed except for the fact that something weighted heavy on my chest. I asked her how her experiments went and she was more than happy to explain to me in great, boring detail everything that she did.

I must say I'm proud the kid was able to keep up with her. Then she stated that Eren was so driven to prove me 'wrong' that he pushed himself until he got sick.

What a child.

I went to see him nonetheless, visiting him while he was sleeping to make sure he got some much needed rest. IT was times like this, when he was sleeping and his brow wasn't furrowed in a deep scowl that he looked so innocent; so docile. 

He is still a child, a child that was forced to grow up too soon and forced to sacrifice himself time and time again. I had to get up and leave, had to stop myself from getting anymore attached to the boy because in any given moment all and any of us could die.

Attachments are weakness, and I can't have weaknesses.

-Levi Ackerman

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Eren glanced up from the letter, a confused look on his face as he put the letter down. Attachment? What was Levi talking about? And he visited him when he was sick? He didn't remember anyone other than Mikasa and Armin visiting him nonstop to make sure he had everything that he needed.

Something in Eren's chest dropped into his stomach as he picked up the next letter, this once dated the day Historia and him were captured; the day he had almost given completely up. It was also the day that he realized just how much he cared about Levi, how he felt so relived when the other unchained him; saved him from himself. Maybe the feeling was always there, deep down hiding in his gut. Maybe somewhere along the line those feelings of admiration turned into something else. But those feelings, whatever they were...they'd stay buried deep down till the end of time.


	7. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading. I know the chapters are a bit short but I thought it would be best to organize this fic by breaking each letter into chapters. 
> 
> Hope you are all enjoying it!

"He's been in there a while...do you think we should go check in on him?" Armin's voice was quiet, arms crossed as he looked at the closed book.

"He's not coming out anytime soon," Hange appeared beside Armin and Mikasa, her hair pulled back in a messy bun as she leaned against the wall. "Eren..he's probably going over some things. Let him be, he'll come out eventually." She was the only one beside Erwin who knew about Levi's feelings, and the only one who knew about the letters. If Eren was as smart as she believes he is, he's already found them. The were,; at the end of it all..were letters for him.

"So we're just going to let him stay locked up in there?"

Hange nodded, turning to look at Mikasa. She was clever enough; she should have at least figured out Eren's feelings, even if he never said them out loud. "You know why he needs to take his time. If Eren needs a break he'll come out. For the time being why don't we go back to our duties like practice and cleaning out the stables?"

Without another word the two of them nodded and turned down the hallway, leaving Hange alone outside of Levi's out room. She couldn't imagine the pain Eren was going through and by the end of reading all of Levi's letters she wasn't sure if Eren would feel better or worse. Even so Levi told her that if anything were to ever happen to him that she would make sure Eren got them. That's why she insisted on Eren emptying Levi's room on his own.

A sigh fell form her lips as she pushed herself up from the wall and made her way down the hall back towards her office. She could only think that knowing the truth will be better for Eren instead of him wishing and hoping of what could have been if things had been different. Love could be a tragic thing; something that could destroy a person if you'd let it. Hopefully Eren was stronger than that. If not, he had everyone around him to help pickup all of his broken pieces.

"Good luck kiddo."


	8. Letter #6

Eren looked down at the rather long letter, part of himself not wanting to read it because he was afraid of what he was going to find. In reality Eren wasn't sure what he was going to find. There were still a few letters left and he couldn't tell if he was hopeful that he'd find something he'd want.. or on the flip-side something dreadful because no matter what Levi wasn't ever coming back. It seemed like no matter how the dice ended up he was getting a bad deal. Shaking his head and readjusting his feet as he tried to get comfortable, Eren started to read the letter.

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09/22

1123

The aching in my chest hurts so bad I wish that I didn't feel a damn thing. Meeting Kenny was...not something that was planned but I knew sooner or later it was going to happen. But this? Wondering if we'll make it in time to save Eren? It makes my hands start to shake and my heart felt like it was going to stay in my stomach forever.

Was there something that I could have done to keep him safer? Could I have trained him more to be better equipped to defend himself? I have never felt such guilt and I feel like it's going to come crashing down and kill me on impact. Hange thinks I'm overreacting. She says to trust Erwin, and I do; l always have, but I didn't follow the rules, I didn't play it safe and I got attached.

I am hopeless now.

I don't have time to finish the letter now, we are on our way to Eren and I pray with everything that I have that we make it on time.

09/23

0107

The minute my eyes landed on Eren, saw him bleeding but alive...I have never felt such relief in my life. He was bloody and broken, and he was crying in such a way that it pained me that I couldn't take it away.

And then I made him choose again and god I know its too much to ask for a kid..too much pressure to decide the next move for the fate of humanity. But he's strong...stronger than I thought he was.

He was on the verge of giving up, succumbing to the easy path of giving in. But, I looked at him and I apologized; knowing that none of this was fair.

None of this was ever fair.

He looked at me and it was like a light bulb went off in his head. With his arms freed from the chains, he didn't even hesitate before he transformed to once again protect us all. I still couldn't understand how he could think of himself as a monster. Monsters don't save countless live and sacrifice themselves for the sake of humanity. Eren was, and always will seen as the idea of hope in my eyes.

It's a good thing that only one other person other than myself will read these because I never plan to show this side of myself to anyone; even the person who probably deserves it the most. 

For once my chest is feelings things I thought were lost long ago, and who knew that that person could be the cause of it all.

-Levi Ackerman

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Eren didn't notice that he had began to cry until tears started to land on the letter and he quickly folded it back up and put it with the rest of the letters he had already read. Why does pain have to feel like this? Why does it have to claw at your hear and rip through your chest?

Eren wasn't sure what he's supposed to be making of the letters but the more he read the more it felt like he wasn't going to survive thorough the pain.

"Why...why did you have to leave...after everything...everything that we have faced..." Eren stopped himself as he wiped his face to dry the tears. It wasn't like crying would change anything; it wouldn't bring Levi back.


	9. Letter #7

10/22

2300

Erwin suggests that I tell him. I was initially surprised when Erwin called me into his office; I was half expecting him to scold me and lecture me about everything under the sun. Instead he caught me completely off guard and saw through all of my defenses.

I told him to not be ridiculous and to rethink how stupid of an idea that is. That's when I bring up all the reasons why it's a bad idea. There's no reason to deny what I'm feelings. Hell, for more than half of my life that part of myself was completely shut off. I didn't let people get close. But then I joined the Survey Corps and I slowly allowed people to get close. Not too close but enough to where I could befriend others. Start to care and trust.

Then they died and I started to put that wall back up but a brat got in the way and started to meddle with my thoughts and feelings...and for a moment I thought I was going completely insane.

Hange was the first to bring it up and when she did I almost broke that nose of hers if she wasn't so quick to dodge them. She wouldn't leave me alone about it until I threatened to blow it up all of her research. The fact of the matter was that she knew and she was too stubborn for her own good. She poked and prodded and squeezed out as much information as she could out of me. 

Hange alone is the only one who knows about these letters side from me, and later on the person reading them. 

For now I'll keep my thoughts to myself, there's no need to burden an idiot like him with an old mans feelings.

-Levi Ackerman

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Every letter that Eren read was like slicing into a deeper part of Levi that Eren didn't think he had. And feelings? What kind of feelings? For who? 

The brunette stopped himself mid-thought. Did it matter? Levi was gone. The person who showed him so much, trained him to be a better soldier but also a better person. The person who made Eren realize what...what love was. The man who never gave anything back but yet Eren was always coming back as if Levi would someday, someway understand.

He wasn't coming back and all Eren got in return was such pain that stabbing yourself would be an easier way to go.

Eren thought about just getting up and leaving, tossing the letters in the garage with the rest the stuff. But, with only two letters left it seemed like it would be a waste not to finished them, and deep down these letters were the only things left connecting him to his Captain.


	10. Letter #8

11/09

0430

The sun looks so beautiful coming up, and within those first few moments as the sun starts to rise one can forget about the war between humanity and the titans.

I've been coming up here for the past few days, letting my eyes drift closed as I imagine a lief with no war, no death; just peace and when I think of those.. one person pops up in my mind and no matter how much I deny it to Erwin and Hange, and as much as I want to deny it to myself I know I at least have to mentally accept what this is.

I'm only planning on writing one more letter. There are talks of some abnormal activity the west of us and Erwin and I plan on taking an expedition over there to see what's really happening.

My guts telling me that its is a bad idea; that something just doesn't seem right. But.. Erwin insists that it could be important so who am I to judge, he's never been wrong before.

Hange has been bother me again, ever since she's 'figured' everything out she has been nonstop nagging me about at least confessing to him. I proceeded to ask her just how old she was and reminded her that were are adults who don't need to do something as ridiculous as confessing to an idiot.

She then asked me if I was scared. I asked what I would be scared about because in this day and age you're born scared and just just learn to cope. 'Scared of rejection," she said and I had to think about it for a second because I never had to deal with something like this before. And when I didn't answer she took that as and yes and for the first time in a very long time I didn't know what to say.

That's how I came up with this idea. One more letter. The last letter that I write will be to the one who I should have confessed to the moment I knew. I'll come clean and I'll let my walls drop; let them crumble to the ground because part of me..call it instinct..is telling me that I might not be coming back.

To the one whose confused reading these, wondering why now I decided to be brave,

I hope it finds you well

-Levi Ackerman

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Eren really had to ask himself if this was okay,but if Hange knew about this then she would have given these to the rightful person..when means..were they for him?

He wasn't sure if he felt relieved or happy.. scared or anxious. He picked up the last letter, giving one last deep breath before slowly opening it.


	11. The Last Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance if Levi seems a bit out of character but I always felt that when it came to him knowing himself, he could let those feelings and emotions resurface.

12/22

0210

Eren,

Someone once told me that even in a world surrounded by death and destruction, it is always possible to find something beautiful and extraordinary within the rubble.

I didn't realize until it was to late that I should have told you the minute I knew. I should have held back my pride and bit back the fear of rejection and told you that you were that beautiful and extraordinary ting that I found amongst the rubble.

I should have known that you were going to captivate me the minute I saw those green eyes and recognized the same passion; the same dedication that I had. Just at once glance I saw such life in you.

But you were my subordinate and when you transformed we were all worried...I was worried that if someone, anyone took you away from us that I'd never see those eyes again. And that smile..the smile that seemed to melt away any tension and frustration that I was feeling..I couldn't that smile fade. I remember when you started to consider yourself a monster and I wish I could go back in time and tell you everyday that you are the farthest thing from a monster.

You're hot headed and you temper can sometimes get the best of you. But you're selfless, caring, willing to sacrifice every part of you if it meant saving someone else. I have never met someone whose heart is as pure as yours.

I can't remember when I finally realized what this was, why Erwin insisted on not getting attached. My focus started to revolve around you more than the missions. My gaze would search you out and I started to put your needs in front of the needs of humanity. Erwin warned me, yet like a fool I thought I had it under control. I thought I just had to distance myself.

So I pushed myself away, believing that some distance would fix things up. But like a moth to a flame I felt myself acting to see you, wanting to make sure that you were okay. I started to think that this attachment was because you were like family to me. I wanted to protect you, to be there for you when you needed someone to comfort you when you felt alone.

But yet again you surprised me, showing me and the rest of the Survey Corps that you weren't broken, instead you wanted to carry everyone else to safety. You amazed me everyday and even now you continue to amaze me.

I'm old. I've lived my life longer than more people now, and I've seen more than anyone else I know. But, even after all of this there was always something in my chest that ached; a missing piece that desperately wanted to be filled.

And slowly, the more time I spent with you and the more I let myself feel... that aching in my chest started to subside. I still didn't know what it was. Hell, for a man whose killed more than his fair share of titans, you'd like I'd know a thing or two.

Erwin had warned me as you've already heard, but that was because he knew from the start what this was going to turn into. I was too stubborn to think that I couldn't handle it, but he was right. He knew how this was going to end before it even started.

And Hange. She knew by the way I looked at you. It was a longing, as if reaching out for something that you could never touch. I didn't know why she was so persistent, so demanding that I tell you while I still could. Why I didn't let myself dive into you without bothering to come up for air. I didn't understand until I saw you looking at my from across the dining hall.

Maybe you didn't realize that I had noticed or maybe you didn't realize it yourself. But.. the look you gave me was the same look I had been trying so hard to hide form you. And then I understood why Hange pushed because she knew about the both of use because either of us could do something about it.

You're currently training outside, I can see the field form my room. Every fiber of my being is telling me to go down there and tell you what we both want to hear. I want you to throw yourself into my arms and tell me everything that you're too scared to say. I wish I could ask you to come to my room and the two of us could spend the rest of the day learning everything that there is to know about each other. 

But I can't. The more Erwin talks about this expedition the more I realize that ..that both of us aren't going to make it back. I wouldn't call it a suicide mission but at least one of us, most likely Erwin will come back.

It hurts. Knowing tat there could have been so many opportunities, so many hidden nights between the two of us.

But as much as I want to, I won't ask you to come to my room tonight and I won't tell you how I feel before I leave. Doing that.. putting you through losing someone after finally just getting them. It would be too cruel even for me, no matter how much I want it, no matter how much I want you.

So you won't get these letters until my body is retrieved or it is confirmed that I am MIA. Hange knows about the letters and she knows that you're the only one allowed to read them.

Eren.. I am so incredibly and foolishly in love with you.

Seeing you is like looking directly into the sun without getting hurt. You're beautiful and bright and no matter where you go you someone make even the work kinds of situations less painful.

I'm sorry that I never told you and maybe that makes me selfish. You deserve to fine someone who can tell you they love you every morning and someone who can appreciate just how breathtaking you are. In another life maybe if fate is kind to us I can find you. And if I do I swear Eren Jaeger, I ill stop at nothing to make sure that every morning I wake up to see your beautiful face. I will kiss you on the cheek, on the forehead and on the lips, and I will tell you everyday that I love you.

You will forever by my first and my last love,

-Levi Ackerman

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Eren had been wrong.

Eren didn't know what true pain was until now. his whole body ached and everything in his body was telling him to die. Levi loved him. The person who he had admired, grown to respect and learned to love. All of those chances where he could have confessed...all of those late nights where all he wanted to do was go to Levi's door and beg for him to let him in.

A broken sob filled the air as heartbreak flooded through him and held him capture underwater. The letter was folded into his hand, holding onto it for dear life as he let tears stream down his face as if by some miracle they'd wash away the pain.

What a selfish, selfish fool. He knew...he knew days before he left..they could have.. some days with Levi would have been better than this.. knowing that their requited love never had a chance.

The moment he found out that Levi was gone..that he went MIA; that was the moment that Eren felt himself die. And now this..the what if's and the could have been's? It's as if Levi wanted him to suffer, want Eren to feel so completely shattered that he wished he forgot to breathe.

There was a quiet knock on the door and it took Eren a minute or so to gather himself in order to open the door without crumbling to the floor.

IT was Hange and the moment the door was opened, supportive arms wrapped around him as he collapsed, knees hitting the floor as he let out another sob. Everything that could have been will never be and Eren couldn't do anything but cling to the woman as if she was the only thing keeping him afloat.

"I can't...Hange I can't do this...I don't want to..How..It hurts, god it hurts so much.." His breath was shaky, words broken up as he spoke through his cries.

Her one hand found its way to his hair as she started to soothe him best she could, fingers running through his hair as she started to quietly shush him to get his breathing back to normal.

"I know...I know Eren. It's going to hurt but I know how strong you are and Levi would want you to stay strong..you can do this." She paused and let her other hand rub his back. "Levi loved you, he'd want you to live and remember him by all the things you guys were able to do."

Eren was silent as Hange spoke, the feeling of complete despair clinging to him like a leech. The only sound he made was trying his best to stifle his sob, his breathing slowly but steadily going back to normal.

"Hange..how do I move on...how can I live with this..this pain it's- unbearable...it's like I'm being eaten alive."

Her grip on him tightened, her chest expanding as she took in a deep breath. "You take it one day at a time you live in the present..and you slowly start to heal. For now that's all you can do. Just keep breathing. For Levi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance if Levi seems a bit out of character but I always felt that when it came to him knowing himself, he could let those feelings and emotions resurface.


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I wasn't initially going make something after the last letter but I felt like I just couldn't leave things hanging the way they were.
> 
> SOOO, I created an 'after' event for years int he future.
> 
> Enjoy<3

3 years, 40 days, 10 hours and 25 minutes.

You could say that Eren kept track of just how much long Levi has been MIA.

The war between titans and humans has long ended, those of them who survived taking refuge outside of the walls; building cabins for themselves and straying away from the government that started this whole mess.

Jean and Mikasa ends duo getting a small cabin by a beach, settling down and surprising expecting their first child. Hange and Armin decides to go explore the rest of the world,documenting new discoveries and creating medicines and elixirs. Erwin... Erwin disappeared after the last battle, the one that ended it all. He said he was tired and finally ready to rest. Last Eren heard from him he was helping out a children's home but they was about a year ago.

And Eren? He lived alone, keeping a quiet solitude life. He sometimes would go hiking, sketching some trees or a waterfall if he was luck. But for the most part he stayed home and wrote. He was never a good writer as a child as even now he wasn't anything special, but he mostly wrote for himself.

He's wrote sour the expeditions they used to go on, the way the world has adapted without the threat of titans lurking around every corner. And sometimes, if his heart would allow him, he'd write tales about how life would have been if Levi was still here.

It still hurt and sometimes it hurt so bad that Eren thought that that would he the day that Eren would end it all. But then he would remember those Levi wanted him to live, wanted him to experience life without worry.

So Eren would fight himself, push back the thought of an easy way out and slowly let himself deal with the pain and the loss.

A knock in his door jolted him out of his own daydream, closing a book he had been trying to read as he looked up. Throughout the years Eren had stopped growing, resting at a solid 6''5 which sometimes reminded him of how tall he used to be as a titan. He refused to change after they won, promising himself that he would spend the rest of his life as a normal human being. His hair got darker and he resorted to keeping it in a braided bun which kept most of the hair out of his face. He was tired, dark circles making a home under his eyes and surprisingly the only thing that didn't change was the color of his eyes. They were just as bright as they were when he was a kid, but now there was an underlying sadness that hid behind them.

Eren walked to the door, cautiously opening it because early; if ever, got people stopping by. Occasionally Jean and Mikasa would stop by, but with the baby in the way he hardly thought that either of them would want to travel.

Hange and Armin said they wouldn't come back until every inch of the world was explored, so knowing them he wasn't sure how long it would be until he saw either of them again.

Opening the door he was taken back to see a tall, familiar blonde who looked like he hadn't showered in months.

"Erwin, you look disgusting."

There was a look on the others face and Eren couldn't quite figure it out. Was it relied? Happiness? Either way the boy was perplexed and he rubbed the back of his neck. "What have you-"

"You look good." He stated and offered Eren a smile. There was something about him besides the fact that he looks so happy with being so dirty.

"I'm surviving," Eren replied. It want like he was going to be all better just because three years had passed by.

"You kept your promise."

That wasn't Erwin's voice.

No.

He hadn't heard that voice in over three years.  
The blonde stepped to the side, revealing a shirt familiar man, a cane in one hand while the other arm seemed to be missing. But nonetheless he was there in the flesh.

It was him.

Eren's heart fell into his stomach, tears streaming down his face as his hand rested against the wall to keep himself from falling.

"Hey brat, did you miss me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELLLLLL?!
> 
> I felt like I just couldn't end it all sad so I gave you all a surprise. 
> 
> Hope this short fic was enjoyable in the least.
> 
> Thank you!


End file.
